I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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