Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
