i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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