i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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