what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
