lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
