i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
