I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
