she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
