do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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