dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize