census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
