Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
