this just has baby written all over it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
