You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Randomize
