Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
