I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
high people should be assigned attendants
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
