life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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