I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
