it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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