I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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