I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
