I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
