you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
