He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
