I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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