____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
