Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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