Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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