I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize
