Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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