My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
