I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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