if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
