Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize