Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
