I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
