oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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