So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you never un-have a 4some
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
