I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
