maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Someone signed my nipple.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
