You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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