I cut my penus on the lid.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize