he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
