giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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