The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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