Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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