It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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