I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
