is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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