The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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