just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
