If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
