$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
