my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
