FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize