david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
