Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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