would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
