Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
