Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
