$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is classic penis vs brain.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
