apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
