He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
