It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
