every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
