you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
