I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
