rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
